Please read the following tips for helping children grieve, from The Grief Recovery Institute®.

 

 

 

Do go first. As the adult, express your feelings first. You are the leader.

 

Do tell the truth about how you feel. Telling the truth about your own grief and about how you feel will establish a tone of trust and help your child feel safe opening up about his or her own feelings.

 

Do recognize that grief is emotional, not only intellectual, and that sad and 'scared' feelings are normal. Avoid the trap of asking your child what is wrong, because he or she will probably say, "Nothing."

 

Do listen with your heart, not just your head. Allow all emotions to be expressed without judgement, criticism, or analysis.

 

Do remember that each child is unique and has a unique relationship to the loss.

 

Do be patient. Give your child time without forcing them to talk. Make sure to plant healthy ideas about talking about feelings.

 

 

 

 

Don't say, "Don't feel scared." Fear is a common and normal response.

 

Don't say, "Don't feel sad." Sadness is a healthy and normal reaction. Sadness and fear, the two most common feelings attached to loss of any kind, are essential to being human.

 

Don't ask your children how they are feeling. Like adults, fearful of being judged, they may automatically say, "I'm fine," even though they are not.

 

Don't 'act strong' for your children. They may interpret your 'non-feeling' as something they are supposed to copy.

 

Don't compare their lives, or situations, to others in the world. Comparison always minimizes feelings.

 

Don't make promises you can't keep. Instead of saying, "Everything's going to be okay," say, "We'll do everything we can ..."

 

Don't forget that your children are very smart. Treat them and their feelings with the respect and dignity you would like to receive from others

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*When Children Grieve, by John W James and Russell Friedman (Authors of The Grief Recovery Handbook) with Dr. Leslie Landon Matthews, is available at most major booksellers, online at www.grief.net, or by calling (800) 334-7606

 

The Grief Recovery Institute

P.O Box 6061-382

Sherman Oaks, CA 91413

 

Copyrights©/Trademarks (TM). © 1993-2011 Grief Recovery Institute*, John W. James, and Russell P. Friedman. All Grief Recovery Institute* related copyrights/trademarks are owned by The Grief Recovery Institute, John W. James, and Russell P. Friedman including but not limited to: The Grief Recovery Institute*, The Grief Recovery Method*, Certified Grief Recovery Specialist*, and AARAM Formula*. All rights reserved.